Tyrion Lannister
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| I demand trial by combat. |
- Telling King Tywin to f-off
- Ruining Cersei's master plan
- Making Oberyn's year
- Throwing away a chance to save his life
On that note let's get into it:
Braavos
Stannis, Davos and The Iron Bank
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| The Titan of Braavos |
The Iron Bank
The Iron Bank is slowly becoming the Master of the Universe, as they are owed money by some big players in Westeros. It has been put into play much sooner than in the books, as Littlefinger made sure that the Crown would owe them a ton of cash. Jon will also need their money, but that takes place in ADWD, so perhaps it will be this season.
They follow the "You always pay YOUR debts" mantra, or the Faceless Men will take it for us. It is in direct opposition to the Lannister's "We always pay OUR debts".
Stannis & Davos
Stannis and Davos are on their way to Braavos to get some cash for sellswords, and ships. Stannis is not a happy camper, because The One True King of Westeros, is really The One True Pauper King of Westeros, and has to beg for money.
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| We are the Iron Bank and NUMBERS NEVER LIE |
They follow the "You always pay YOUR debts" mantra, or the Faceless Men will take it for us. It is in direct opposition to the Lannister's "We always pay OUR debts".
Stannis & Davos
Stannis and Davos are on their way to Braavos to get some cash for sellswords, and ships. Stannis is not a happy camper, because The One True King of Westeros, is really The One True Pauper King of Westeros, and has to beg for money.
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| Damn you Davos, we'd better get our money. |
I think he means, "Damn you Melisandre", because all that purifying, left Stannis with an even smaller army, than before the Blackwater.
Stannis & Davos vs.The Iron Bank
Stannis & Davos vs.The Iron Bank
The Master's of the Universe finally give them an audience after two hours have passed. We know that when you are kept waiting, it is a power move, and an insult to a man who thinks he is a King.
The Iron Bank: We are rejecting your request for a loan. We don't care if you are King by right, because numbers never lie. King Tommen, ie. King Tywin, rules Westeros, and they owe us a ton of cash. You have 4000 men, and 32 ships, which is not enough collateral for us to give you a loan. If the Crown can't pay their debt, how will you?
Stannis gives Davos the death stare, and because he's way to cool to beg for it, Davos does it for them.
Davos: Let's review: King Tywin will be dead in the near future, and Tommen, is a bastard child born of twincest. So when he dies, the crown will never repay their debt. Stannis will repay all of it, as he WILL sit on The Iron Throne.
The Iron Bank: Yet, we still don't care.
Davos: Stannis is an honorable man and seasoned battle commander. Check out my hand:
Davos: That man? He is the One True King:
The Iron Bank: We are rejecting your request for a loan. We don't care if you are King by right, because numbers never lie. King Tommen, ie. King Tywin, rules Westeros, and they owe us a ton of cash. You have 4000 men, and 32 ships, which is not enough collateral for us to give you a loan. If the Crown can't pay their debt, how will you?
Stannis gives Davos the death stare, and because he's way to cool to beg for it, Davos does it for them.
Davos: Let's review: King Tywin will be dead in the near future, and Tommen, is a bastard child born of twincest. So when he dies, the crown will never repay their debt. Stannis will repay all of it, as he WILL sit on The Iron Throne.
The Iron Bank: Yet, we still don't care.
Davos: Stannis is an honorable man and seasoned battle commander. Check out my hand:
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| I'm a smuggler who saved his life, but I still broke the law. |
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| We will win the war, and repay the debts. |
The Iron Bank: It's a convincing argument, so you will get your gold. Remember "YOU will always pay your debts", and we have The Faceless Men on retainer.
We are then treated to some gratuitous nudity, as Sallador Saan recounts some pirate lore to two prostitutes in the baths. Davos, who has solidified his badass status, dumps some gold on the edge of the bath.
Davos: See you at 5:00 AM, we're meeting at Dragonstone and heading for the Wall.
......and Stannis has his army.
Asha/Yara Greyjoy
I have heard the news of the changes of S5, and sadly, calling Asha, Yara, might be a good thing, because she is completely different in the book. So, she will remain Asha, until I can bring myself to call her Yara.
The Dreadfort
Asha has arrived at the Dreadfort to save Theon, who is living in a cage with the dogs. She and her crew hear screams, get in, and she unlocks the cage. Theon has been broken by the Sadist Ramsay, has stockholm syndrome, and does not recognize his sister. He fights her, and wants to remain in the cage. Asha realizes what has happened to her brother, when the Sadist Ramsay shows up.
The Sadist Ramsay thought killing people was more exciting than sex, (unless he killed his lover ) and has run down to the dungeons. He opens up the dog cages, and Asha and her crew end up running for the ship. The crew is yelling and asking about her brother, and she says, "My brother is dead".
We are then treated to another special moment between the Sadist Ramsay and Theon. He continues to manipulate Theon, and not only rewards him with a bath, but washes him. It is so vile, and you can see how he delights in this nightmare. He tells Theon, who thinks that he is Reek, that he has an important job for him. What is that job? He will pretend to be Theon Greyjoy, so they can take Deepwood Motte.
This is much worse in the book, but it still takes up time that should have been given to other characters.
Meereen
Surprise, surprise, Drogon has gone rogue, and decides he would like grilled goat for dinner. So, he burns a poor goat herders flock, including his daughter. It is the first supplicant who shows up at Dany's place, begging for help.
Dany
The Pyramid Throne Room
Missandei will say Dany's eight titles every time someone walks into the pyramid throne room. I will not be listing her eight titles on a regular basis, so here they are:
The first person that she will see, is the poor goat herder, who has the bones of his burnt little girl.
Dany: This is so exciting! I can show Meereen that I am a just ruler. Who's life can I change first?
The Goat Herder: Your dragon burnt my goats, and killed my daughter. My family is starving and we are going to die.
Dany: My apologies that my largest and most dangerous dragon has gone rogue. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I will repay you three times the worth of your herd, so that you may take care of your family.
The Goat Herder: Thank-you my Queen.
Next up: Hizdahr zo Loraq. Remember that name because a new Game of Thrones has begun in Meereen.
Hizdahr zo Loraq: Beautiful Queen, I am from one of the most honored and powerful houses of Meereen. My father deserves a proper burial, and one of our great traditions is to honor him at The Temple of the Graces.
Dany: Your father has been punished for owning slaves and crucifying children. Those children will never have the honor of a proper burial.
Hizdahr zo Loraq: My beloved father, was against that vile use of children, and was outvoted by the other Masters.
Dany: I had no idea that there were people like your father! Ser Barristan was right, so yes, you may bury your father.
Kings Landing
We know it's going to be a busy week because Tyrion's "trial" will be taking place, and that has to be a grand spectacle.
The Council of Vipers and Weasels
This is the best one ever because not only is the band back together, but there is an actual viper on it. The Red Viper has been given a seat by King Tywin.
Oberyn: I am already bored, and we haven't even started the meeting. Can someone give me a title or something? I need to return to the brothel, and grab a nap.
King Tywin shows up, Oberyn continues to lounge, and waits for the meeting to begin.
King Tywin: We have the trial coming up, and the Targaryen girl, who is supposed to be dead, has declared herself Queen of Meereen. I have also heard that she has three dragons?
Varys: I hear whispers of a "Free all of the slaves and start Civil Wars Tour", that has plunged Essos into a series of civil wars. Yes, she is presently Queen of Meereen, has Ser Jorah, who knows Essos well, and Ser Barristan, as her confidants. The Army of the Unsullied is by her side, the Second Sons, and her three growing dragons. She is going to be a HUGE problem.
Cersei: The dragons are babies, and where is Essos again?
Oberyn: I toured Essos for five years! It is a wondrous place, where I learned more about poison, and new ways to fight and kill people. Everyone knows that The Army of the Unsullied is unstoppable.
Varys: Ser Barristan is one of the most honored Knights of the Kingsuard, who knows everything about our laws and strategies. He is a huge asset to her cause.
King Tywin: Cersei, by doing yet another stupid thing, you have helped the Targaryen girl. It's time to write another letter! Wasn't Ser Jorah our Targaryen spy?
Varys: He's gone dark, but give me the letter, I will get it to Meereen.
King Tywin: Perfect. I expect everyone has prepared their lies for the trial? They had better be good, otherwise I can't kill Tyrion. See you there.
We know that when King Tywin writes a letter, nothing good comes of it.
Varys vs. Oberyn
Oberyn, needs some intel about Varys, and finds him staring at The Iron Throne.
Oberyn: Here you are ! Gazing lovingly at The Iron Throne. I noticed earlier that your accent is from Lys?
Varys: I no longer have an accent, and why do you care?
Oberyn: Yes, well I am amazing, and I can also hear an accent that is being covered up. Why don't you come to the brothel? I know that Ellaria always wants to learn more about Lys. (It's important to note that the blood of the dragon still runs strong in Lys, ie. Targaryen blood, aka.Dany. The Valyrians spent spring break in Lys, which resulted in many bastards over hundreds of years. So, many of their people, have their light hair, and purple/blue eyes.)
Varys: I am a eunuch, and have absolutely no interest in sex or a brothel. I find the lack of a sex drive, has allowed me to focus on important things; like planning for a new king.
Oberyn: Ellaria will be very disappointed, as am I. The brothel would have been a great place to share secrets about King Tywin.
That completes Part I, and see Part II for the Trial.
*All images and quotes are owned by HBO, Game of Thrones 4.06
We are then treated to some gratuitous nudity, as Sallador Saan recounts some pirate lore to two prostitutes in the baths. Davos, who has solidified his badass status, dumps some gold on the edge of the bath.
Davos: See you at 5:00 AM, we're meeting at Dragonstone and heading for the Wall.
......and Stannis has his army.
Asha/Yara Greyjoy
I have heard the news of the changes of S5, and sadly, calling Asha, Yara, might be a good thing, because she is completely different in the book. So, she will remain Asha, until I can bring myself to call her Yara.
The Dreadfort
Asha has arrived at the Dreadfort to save Theon, who is living in a cage with the dogs. She and her crew hear screams, get in, and she unlocks the cage. Theon has been broken by the Sadist Ramsay, has stockholm syndrome, and does not recognize his sister. He fights her, and wants to remain in the cage. Asha realizes what has happened to her brother, when the Sadist Ramsay shows up.
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| Asha realizing this was all for nothing |
We are then treated to another special moment between the Sadist Ramsay and Theon. He continues to manipulate Theon, and not only rewards him with a bath, but washes him. It is so vile, and you can see how he delights in this nightmare. He tells Theon, who thinks that he is Reek, that he has an important job for him. What is that job? He will pretend to be Theon Greyjoy, so they can take Deepwood Motte.
This is much worse in the book, but it still takes up time that should have been given to other characters.
Meereen
Surprise, surprise, Drogon has gone rogue, and decides he would like grilled goat for dinner. So, he burns a poor goat herders flock, including his daughter. It is the first supplicant who shows up at Dany's place, begging for help.
Dany
The Pyramid Throne Room
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| Team Dany holding court |
- Daenerys Stormborn of The House Targaryen
- The First of Her Name
- The Unburnt
- Queen of Meereen
- Queen of the Andals and The First Men
- Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea
- Breaker of Chains
- Mother of Dragons
The first person that she will see, is the poor goat herder, who has the bones of his burnt little girl.
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| I am a generous, benevolent Queen |
The Goat Herder: Your dragon burnt my goats, and killed my daughter. My family is starving and we are going to die.
Dany: My apologies that my largest and most dangerous dragon has gone rogue. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. I will repay you three times the worth of your herd, so that you may take care of your family.
The Goat Herder: Thank-you my Queen.
Next up: Hizdahr zo Loraq. Remember that name because a new Game of Thrones has begun in Meereen.
Hizdahr zo Loraq: Beautiful Queen, I am from one of the most honored and powerful houses of Meereen. My father deserves a proper burial, and one of our great traditions is to honor him at The Temple of the Graces.
Dany: Your father has been punished for owning slaves and crucifying children. Those children will never have the honor of a proper burial.
Hizdahr zo Loraq: My beloved father, was against that vile use of children, and was outvoted by the other Masters.
Dany: I had no idea that there were people like your father! Ser Barristan was right, so yes, you may bury your father.
Kings Landing
We know it's going to be a busy week because Tyrion's "trial" will be taking place, and that has to be a grand spectacle.
The Council of Vipers and Weasels
This is the best one ever because not only is the band back together, but there is an actual viper on it. The Red Viper has been given a seat by King Tywin.
 |
| The Red Viper lounging and planning new ways to kill The Mountain |
King Tywin shows up, Oberyn continues to lounge, and waits for the meeting to begin.
King Tywin: We have the trial coming up, and the Targaryen girl, who is supposed to be dead, has declared herself Queen of Meereen. I have also heard that she has three dragons?
Varys: I hear whispers of a "Free all of the slaves and start Civil Wars Tour", that has plunged Essos into a series of civil wars. Yes, she is presently Queen of Meereen, has Ser Jorah, who knows Essos well, and Ser Barristan, as her confidants. The Army of the Unsullied is by her side, the Second Sons, and her three growing dragons. She is going to be a HUGE problem.
Cersei: The dragons are babies, and where is Essos again?
 |
Varys: Ser Barristan is one of the most honored Knights of the Kingsuard, who knows everything about our laws and strategies. He is a huge asset to her cause.
King Tywin: Cersei, by doing yet another stupid thing, you have helped the Targaryen girl. It's time to write another letter! Wasn't Ser Jorah our Targaryen spy?
Varys: He's gone dark, but give me the letter, I will get it to Meereen.
King Tywin: Perfect. I expect everyone has prepared their lies for the trial? They had better be good, otherwise I can't kill Tyrion. See you there.
We know that when King Tywin writes a letter, nothing good comes of it.
Varys vs. Oberyn
Oberyn, needs some intel about Varys, and finds him staring at The Iron Throne.
Oberyn: Here you are ! Gazing lovingly at The Iron Throne. I noticed earlier that your accent is from Lys?
Varys: I no longer have an accent, and why do you care?
Oberyn: Yes, well I am amazing, and I can also hear an accent that is being covered up. Why don't you come to the brothel? I know that Ellaria always wants to learn more about Lys. (It's important to note that the blood of the dragon still runs strong in Lys, ie. Targaryen blood, aka.Dany. The Valyrians spent spring break in Lys, which resulted in many bastards over hundreds of years. So, many of their people, have their light hair, and purple/blue eyes.)
Varys: I am a eunuch, and have absolutely no interest in sex or a brothel. I find the lack of a sex drive, has allowed me to focus on important things; like planning for a new king.
Oberyn: Ellaria will be very disappointed, as am I. The brothel would have been a great place to share secrets about King Tywin.
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| Good Chat. Now I know that we both want to kill King Tywin |
That completes Part I, and see Part II for the Trial.
*All images and quotes are owned by HBO, Game of Thrones 4.06
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